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How To Find Confidence And Belief Within Yourself



Growing up I had no idea what it meant to lack self belief. I would throw myself face first into any challenge that I encountered with reckless enthusiasm. I knew that if I didn't know the way forward, then I would either find it of figure it out myself, but either way I would move ahead, win and succeed.


Fast forward to my late 30's and I had so much self doubt and lack of confidence that I would be too scared to post online through the fear of being judged and attacked. I was supposed to be running a business however I had to take a part time job because the feeling of unworthiness and fear had taken over me and cutoff my income.


I knew I wanted to run a business and to help people, however the feelings of fear and doubt pushed me in a different direction. Instead of doing what I know I needed to do to build my business, I was forced by my thoughts and feelings in a direction that was more safe and stable; one where I could hide my insecurities.


Why did I have so much fear and self doubt?


What had happened to my unshakable confidence?


My business was not progressing, in fact it was going backwards. My relationships were playing repetitive cycles in which my lack of confidence showed up as insecurities and neediness. It felt like my self doubt had created fear in all areas of my life. But was that true? Could my lack of self belief be sitting at the centre of my business and relationship issues? Turns out the answer was yes.


When a person believes in themselves they act with courage, clarity and certainty and the energy they carry has the power to succeed. They believe in themselves, they act with conviction, they move the needle towards their goals, and then they are caught in a positive feedback loop because the results they get reinforce their elevated self belief. The more they succeed the more evidence there is to support their successful self image.


Self Belief -> Decisive Action -> Results -> Evidence of Success -> More Self Belief


On the contrary, if a person lacks self belief they will find themselves stuck in a negative feedback loop. Because they lack self belief, they act with fear, doubt and uncertainty, and the energy they carry lacks the vital force needed to succeed in their endeavours. Their lack of self belief causes them to either stay stuck at the start line, or creep forward knowing deep down they think they're going to fail. Then when the inevitable failure happens, the lack of progress reinforces their lack of self belief. The failure now provides fresh evidence to support their poor self image.


Self Doubt -> Weak Action -> Poor Results -> Evidence of Failure -> More Self Doubt


If we're waiting for the world to give us self belief we'll be waiting forever. It's not something that magically happens, it's a process of self discovery. You see, we're not born with low self belief or low confidence, we're born as a blank canvas and we learn how to have low self belief along the way based on perceived evidence. Maybe we were bullied at school, maybe we didn't make the football team, maybe our parents belittled us or abandoned us, or maybe they did the opposite and did everything for us which made us dependent on them and lack the courage and belief to do it ourselves.


There are hundreds of ways we can build evidence that support the concept of us being "not good enough", and knowing the cause can certainly help shed light on how the pattern was created in the first place. When do you believe the cycle started? What do you believe contributed to the pattern becoming stronger?


Lack of confidence or self belief is a pattern, and it goes a little like this. A person will have gathered evidence in the past that supports the belief they have about themselves, that they are "not good enough". This thought of "I'm not good enough" is most likely beneath their unconscious awareness, however it will manifest in their lives as self doubt or lack of confidence. This doubt will then get projected into their life as fear. They will hold themselves back, usually in multiple areas of life, due to the fear that is alive within their system.

NOTE: If you know my work you will recognise the image above, and if you want to dive deeper into my work then I recommend you go through my free online course Discover Your Authentic Self which explains how our thoughts and feelings create our patterns and our life.


So... we feel unconfident, or at least we know inside that we lack self belief. That is evident to us in the present moment which is Vector 3 - Present Negative. But the reason that feeling and those beliefs are inside of us is because there is evidence from the past which is Vector 1 - Past Negative. Usually, but not always, this pattern will reveal itself due to a trigger or a stimulus that occurs, potentially a thought about doing something in the future like starting a business, communicating within a relationship, or even making a seemingly straightforward decision which brings with it a sense of fear. Fear of course is Vector 5 - Future Negative.


This pattern has probably been there for many years, even decades, and it can become so familiar that, deep down, we begin to believe it is who we are. That's the thing with our personality and patterns - we often believe we are our patterns, when in actuality, it's not who we are at all, it's simply a pattern of thinking and feeling which we have rehearsed so many times that it becomes a habit. The good news is that with all habits they can be broken and replaced with new, empowering habits and patterns.

By uncovering the events from the past that serve as evidence to our low self worth or lack of confidence, and then reflecting on on those events through a different perspective, we can gradually start to see ourselves as we truly are, and not as we've been led to believe. The person we have become so familiar with is not who we truly are, we are far more than a set of doubtful and unconfident thoughts and feelings - really, at out core we are full of unlimited potential.


"Really, at our core, we are full of unlimited potential"

Personally, my self doubt and fear was triggered when I compared myself to others, especially in regard to how successful or wealthy they were. When I traced the stream of evidence back into the past, I could see which past experiences had built a layer of self doubt within my mind, and from there I was able to synthesise those beliefs and regain the confidence, inspiration and charisma that I once had. It didn't happen over night, it took time, and slowly but surely I was able to gain greater degrees of self belief and true confidence.


Through deep reflection upon the past, we realise that our self worth was never tied to any external event, and through consistent effort, we can create a new, true story within our mind that is then projected through us onto our lives and endeavours. When we are intentional with our desire to transform the way in which we see ourselves, then it is only a matter time before the transformation occurs and we start to see ourselves in a new light. Instead of feeling unconfident and holding ourselves back, we feel confident and pour ourselves into our goals and aspirations.


When you see seemingly confident people often times they are putting on a front when in reality beneath their masquerade is a small, insecure person relying on their large appearance, loud voice or trail of success to mask their deeper feelings of inferiority. Fake or pseudo confidence will show signs of weakness, usually within the quality of a persons relationships. Genuine confidence on the other hand is unbreakable because it comes from a true connection to their soul, and not some form of externalised evidence to validate their worth and self belief. Genuine confidence isn't an accident, it takes work to uncover the untruths and disempowering perceptions we have about ourselves - but once that work is done, a persons true inner power comes online in the form of enthusiasm and inspiration.


This power exists within every human on earth, including you.


Live Inspired, John

PS: Each month I write a free newsletter that explores tips for empowering and inspiring ourselves by mastering our psychology and tapping into our spiritual potential. If you'd like to join the newsletter and learn how to empower yourself in every area of life, click the link below and enter your details.


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To find genuine fulfilment. To find true purpose. To live an inspired life. All of these things can only occur when we are being our Authentic selves. So who are you? Are you fears and doubts? Are you your goals and dreams? Are you your past mistakes? You are none of these these things. You are the infinite, immortal, unlimited soul, and until you're connected to that part of yourself, something will always feel missing. When you strengthen the connection to your soul, you find your Authenticity and step into total, holistic empowerment.


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