top of page

The Masculine Woman Predicament

This article is written for both men and women because we both want a solution to this "problem"...

The most common question I receive in regards to relationships from my male audience is "What do you do when a women is in her masculine?"

If you're new to understanding polarity and what I mean by 'masculine' or 'feminine' don't worry I'll explain that all soon.

I received this message below a few weeks ago and thought I'd write this article so that I can start directing men (and women) to find some answers for this very common problem.

This article may be quite long because in order to do this topic justice, there need to be a few key frames that are set.

The first thing I want to talk about is polarity, what it is and why it is important.

Polarity means to have two "things" opposing one another. Those "things" could be energy fields on a magnet or between the North Pole and South Pole: they could be opposing beliefs or opposing attributes.

All of existence is built on polarity - for example, you only know what you want in life because you know what you don't want.

Anything that has a complimentary opposite or opposing force has polarity.

The Chinese Yin and Yang symbol is probably the most well known image that represents this polarity.

In Chinese philosophy the black side is the Yin aspect which represents the feminine energy or the negative pole, whereas the white side is the Yang aspect which represents the masculine energy and positive pole.

You'll notice that everything in nature has these two poles - the negative or feminine pole and the positive or masculine pole.

If we zoom all the way into the atom, we will see negatively charged electrons and positively charged protons.

Then look at your life: you experience both night (feminine) and day (masculine), you use electricity all day long which is running a circuit of both positive and negative energy. If you look at your phone and charging cable, the phone has the feminine connection and the charger has the masculine connection which inserts into the feminine part.

This masculine (+) and feminine (-) energy is always flowing, moving and seeking balance.

For example; If we have an atom that has more protons than electrons (++/-) it is unstable, and if given the chance will lose one of its protons to another atom that is also unbalanced (+/--) : it therefore needs an additional proton to balance it.

The universe is always seeking balance and equilibrium.

When it comes to us humans, the principle of polarity shows up in the form of (Gender) Masculinity and Femininity which are traits, characteristics and attributes that are in opposition to one another.

At the highest level, Masculinity (Positive Pole) and Femininity (Negative Pole) are opposite energies which, like two magnet will naturally attract to one another.

I'm sure you've heard the saying that opposites attract...? Again, this attraction is simply the universe seeking balance and bringing the two parts together to create a whole.

If someone is excessively masculine they will attract someone excessively feminine, and if someone is excessively feminine they will attract someone excessively masculine.

Beneath the two core polarities (Masculine and Feminine) are the traits associated with masculinity and femininity that are also polarised. I'll use some examples below to illustrate this...

This is where people start to get fired up and say things like "Women can be independent!"

Yes they can, the same way men can be dependent...

Now is a good time to add that both men and women (everyone) have both energies inside of them but to varying degrees.

It's not one or the other, it's a balance of both but to varying degrees!

To make it simple to understand let's say a healthy straight woman has approximately 75% feminine energy and 25% masculine energy, and a healthy straight man has approximately 75% masculine energy and 25% feminine energy.

I use the word "healthy" because there is an optimal ratio he same way there is an optimal body temperature to maintain homeostasis. Get too hot or too cold and you'll fail to function at your best.

NOTE: On some occasions a man will have a more truly feminine essence or a woman will have a more truly masculine essence, and these people are more than likely going to be gay or bi-sexual.

In my Relationship Mastery Program I go into greater detail about polarity and how attraction works but for now I just want to make things simple and use the analogy of a magnet.

If you put two positive poles together, the magnet will repel and vice versa but if you get the balance right and put a positive with a negative, it will attract: this is how we are 'energetically' attracted to a partner.

This is nature and it works perfectly as God/Divinity intended for evolution, by bringing two opposites together in order to create a more balanced and whole unit that could reproduce and create a more evolved human.

This is how it works and there is nothing anyone can do to change it. The fact that the two opposing energies will attract and the two same energies will repel: that is a universal law akin to the law of gravity.

A Quick Note on Toxic Masculinity & Femininity

Masculinity and femininity work on a polarised continuum so if someone is 20% masculine by default they will be 80% feminine.

Here is a graphic to display the Polarity Continuum.

‘Toxic masculinity’ is hyper masculine, it is the result of a conscious or unconscious rejection of femininity.

'Toxic masculinity’ occurs because it’s missing the balancing force of femininity.

Healthy masculinity is the byproduct of masculinity counter balanced with femininity.

On the flip side

‘Toxic femininity’ is hyper feminine, it is the result of a conscious or unconscious rejection of masculinity.

'Toxic femininity’ occurs because it’s missing the balancing force of masculinity.

Healthy femininity is the byproduct of masculinity counter balanced with femininity.

It does become more complex than this when we add in layers of psychology but I'll save that for a more detailed article in the future and teach 'The Psychology of Your Personality'.

For now I'll add another graphic that also depicts the light and dark aspects of a persons personality so you can get a visual idea of what I mean.

We can be different parts at different times, and the more whole and integrated we become the more we bounce around the healthy light and dark energies.

This is how woman can be successful in business or boss babes but still attract in masculine men, because they are moving between the two and not just locked into one way of being.

This is also how men can be softer and more caring, because they are moving between the light and dark masculine roles, essentially balancing their own masculine and feminine energy.

If they were locked into one way of being and unable to access their own masculine and feminine energy then they would be consciously or unconsciously rejecting the opposite therefore have no counter balancing force.

Ok enough on that, let's move on and look into what creates this masculine or feminine energy within a person.

What Creates Masculinity or Femininity?

If we understand the principle of Cause & Effect, which states that every 'effect' has something that 'caused' it and that nothing happens by chance and every result is created by some prior event, then we can find the 'cause' of how someone would become more masculine or more feminine.

A good example of the law of cause and effect is looking at a car crash and asking the following questions...

Q: What caused you to crash your car?

A: I ran through a red light

Q: What caused you to run through a red light?

A: I was texting on my phone and didn't see it change...

Q: Why were you texting on your phone?

A: Because I was replying to my friend about something

Q: Why were you replying to your friend

A: Because I was angry and just venting my anger

Q: Why were you angry?

A: Because I just had an argument at work

Q: Why did you have an argument....

A: Because I didn't sleep well and I was feeling short fused...

And of course this goes on forever...

So actually my question for you is "What caused the car accident?"

Was it the texting or was it the argument or was it the short sleep? I'll let you answer that in the comments...

Point made though, everything on earth has a cause and effect relationship.

So back to the initial question... Where does our Masculinity or Femininity come from?

Obviously our hormones play a big role in this, but if we follow the principle of cause and effect we ask the question...

"Well then what causes our hormone balances?"

Most people would say that it's just part of your genetic makeup, and again if we follow the principle of cause and effect we ask the question...

"Well then what causes our genetic makeup?"

An intelligent scientist (not all of them are intelligent) would then say that our genes are expressed based on our epigenetic markers, and again if we follow the principle of cause and effect and ask the question...

"Well then what causes our epigenetic markers to activate?"

This is where Dr Bruce Litpon, author of The Biology of Belief has proven that it is our environment, or more importantly the way in which we perceive our environment that activates or inhibits certain epigenetic markers.

Is this the first cause? Or is there more?

Let's follow the principle of cause and effect ask the question...

"What causes our perceptions (thoughts) to be the way they are?"

From here I'm just going to speed things up a little...

Our perceptions come from our beliefs, and our beliefs come from past experiences...

We could follow this all the way back to the beginning of time if we looked at who was predominantly responsible for our past experiences: our parents and where did our parents 'makeup' come from? Their parents and then all the way back to the beginning of time.

But that's not really relevant because YOU have the ability to change your thoughts and perceptions, meaning, you can ultimately change your energy (and every other aspect of your life) by changing your beliefs, thoughts and perceptions.

Here is the pathway...

New beliefs, new thoughts/perceptions, new epigenetic expressions, new gene expressions, new biochemicals in the body, new traits, actions and behaviours, new you...

You are who you are today based on the way you have been shaped from your past but the more conscious and aware you become the more able you are to transform who you are, or actually the more able you are to shed any old programming and become more of who you were naturally born to be which is your true authentic self.

As I said earlier, everyone has both masculine and feminine energies within them to varying degrees, and there is a healthy balance, however, this balance gets thrown out of optimal ranges through heavily emotional or highly repetitive past experiences that cause people to put on masks or facades which leads to new, inauthentic behaviours.

For example; If a young boy is raised by a single mother who is repetitively soft and nurturing towards him and allows him to be highly emotional that young man is going to start taking on more feminine characteristics.

Or if a young girl is with her father and she falls over and bumps her knee and the father says don't cry, suck it up, you'll be right, that girl is going to start taking on more masculine characteristics.

A friend of mine that has three children had one of her boys come home from school and start acting very feminine, when his mother asked why he was doing it he said because he got more attention from the girls at school when he acted that way.

There are four core reasons people sacrifice what's natural and put on an act or mask.

  1. To gain certainty in life. (To feel safe, secure and in control)

  2. To gain variety in life. (To experience new and novel things)

  3. To gain connection in life. (To have friends and be accepted by others)

  4. To gain validation in life. (To be seen and heard, to be unique and special)

People will sacrifice whats true for them to get their needs met. These are the reason that people stray from their true authentic self and build new patterns of behaviour.

How Does a Woman Become More Masculine?

This post is about masculine women, so let's look more closely at the cause of a woman becoming more masculine.

In my opinion, through dealing with hundreds of clients, there is one core pathway that leads to a woman displaying more masculine tendencies, and that is that at some young age this woman found safety and security in independence.

Through independence, which is a masculine quality, this woman was able to feel safer and more in control, or was able to avoid the pain associated with having to be in close proximity or rely on someone else.

Now of course we all could benefit with a balance on independence and dependence which I call interdependence, but when someone is locked into just operating one way or the other, they lose balance, they lose behavioural flexibility, and then they can only react to a situation out of habit instead of being able to change their behaviour to something more empowering.

An independent women will react and cope through avoidance strategies.

When women become totally independent, they lose a huge chunk of their femininity because in order to be independent they must also take on other masculine qualities like being the strong one or having a structured routine.

This independence usually starts in childhood through some kind of abandonment or lack of safety as a child which then grows into the symptoms we see today of the strong independent women.

I'll just add this in here that no masculine man wants to be with a strong and independent woman, the same way no kind and caring woman wants to be with a weak and dependent little boy.

Part of a masculine mans purpose is to provide and protect, and if a woman doesn't want to be provided for or protected then the man is going to feel purposeless.

Now this happens both ways, it's not just masculine women that are the problem, we have a ton of feminine men too.

When a woman is operating with a masculine energy, she is going to experience the same two core patterns within her relationships.

  1. She is going to keep attracting feminine guys that fail to provide and protect (because deep down that is what she craves) and she'll not feel safe in his presence, she'll start to take on a mothering type roll, she'll lose trust in his abilities and the sexual polarity will diminish.

  2. She will attract a highly masculine man that is capable of being more masculine than her, but because she relies on masculine strategies they will end up clashing and competing in an unhealthy way which will lead to her becoming either anxiously attached (feminine strategy) but more than likely avoidant (masculine strategy) and running away.

Until she finds her way back into her true feminine essence (Authentic Self) these patterns will continue.

NOTE: If this is you as a woman (or you know a woman) I have a personalised solution for you called 'The Hieros-Gamos Solution' which you can read more about through this link:

So let's now look at how as a man you can work with your partner if she tends to have masculine qualities.

What To Do If Your Woman is Being More Masculine

To be honest it's pretty straight forwards...

It has nothing to do with her, you simply need to become more masculine, or said differently, you need to remedy the parts of yourself that are over feminine.

If you were a healthy and healed masculine man you wouldn't attract a masculine woman in the first place.

If you have, then chances are you're unconsciously looking for another mother figure or someone to look after you meaning that you have some work to do to increase your level of masculinity.

When you do increase your masculinity your partner will have two choices. She will either feel safe enough to drop into her feminine essence (this will rarely happen because her patterns are so strong) or she will clash with you and eventually leave.

If she clashes with you and you stay strong, and she decides to leave then she is just going to repeat the cycles with another man, and that shouldn't be of your concern. She needs to heal and work through her patterns and behaviours whether it's with you or not.

If she clashes with you and you soften to avoid conflict then you've just failed the test and once again she will have taken over the masculine role.

Stay strong, keep staying strong and allow her to soften into you.

Hold her, protect her, love her, but do not let her overpower you or take control. It is your job to lead her and be in control (not controlling, there's a difference).

Be more masculine, not in an egotistical and arrogant way, but in a strong and chivalrous way, and get your life in order.

Here are some questions to ask yourself...

  1. Do you have direction in life? Do you have purpose? Can you lead the relationship?

  2. Are you physically strong? Can you protect her?

  3. Do you have the resources to provide for her?

If you don't have direction or you're not leading then she will have to step up and lead which will throw the polarity out of whack so make sure you are solid on your direction in life.

If you aren't physically strong or she doesn't feel safe she will have to step into that role (or find someone else who will) and again polarity will be lost.

If you can't provide then once again she will have to step into her masculine.

If you can't do these things then you can't expect her to be feminine, she won't feel safe enough around you. All you can do is keep working on yourself, keep doing personal development and becoming more masculine.

If you want help with that book a call with me.

Something to watch out for is the masculine woman's attempts to maintain control and dominance.

Masculine women want to be the dominant ones because that's how they feel safe and get their needs met. They are not going to give that up easily so be mindful of that.

All humans consciously or unconsciously influence others, and a masculine women will influence a man to be more feminine so that she can maintain control. It's a form of gaslighting, because a man knows deep down that his role as a man is to be a strong leader, so when a masculine women tries to influence him to soften it feels unnatural.

Now, as a man you must be able to be soft and gentle at times, but keep your finger on the pulse and if it drops too much pick it back up, or if you're being overpowering maybe soften a little but not too much.

Masculine women will try to feminise men in order to maintain control.

Masculine women will also criticise men in order to maintain dominance.

Men, you have to stay strong and present, the stronger you become the more the right women will respect you and support you, the more present you become the more you will be able to feel her and adjust your balance of masculinity and femininity. If you stay strong and she doesn't respect you then the clash will occur and you can show her the door.

Women, you have to surrender and trust and also stay present, the more you surrender the more he will lead, the more present you are the more you can dance with him and feel where he's at and how to best respond with your energy.

Masculinity is the cup, femininity is the water inside.

Masculinity is the container, creates the boundaries and is the strengths that protects the water inside.

Masculinity is the logic and order.

Femininity is the water, it is the movement, it is the energy of life, the spontaneity and variety that pushes against the walls of the cup.

Femininity is the emotion and chaos.

Men, stay strong, like the rock wall that the ocean is smashing up against.

She will challenge and test you but you must hold strong and be certain, then she knows you are safe and she will soften into you more.

So to summarise this part...

It's all about healing and returning back to a state of authenticity within yourself...

As a man, become more lovingly masculine by unlocking all of the blocks causing a lack in masculinity.

As a woman, become more lovingly feminine by unlocking all of the blocks causing a lack in femininity.

This is the pathway forward and back to authenticity.

The Ultimate Communion

When two healed people come together magic happens.

In my Relationship Mastery Program I talk about the 4 Pillars of Love (how to maintain love) and the 4 Pillars of Passion (how to maintain passion/chemistry), so there is a lot to it when it comes to creating the ultimate relationship, but one of the Pillars of Passion (which is attraction) is the right balance of healthy polarity.

That is a masculine man (75% masculine and 25% feminine) and a feminine woman (75% feminine and 25% masculine) in straight couples.

If the man is 25% masculine and the woman is 25% feminine then there will still be attraction (opposites attract) but the relationship will not flow due to an over masculine woman and an over feminine man both being out of their power.

We are literally built as incomplete aspects, as two complimentary opposites, key word being complimentary. When we stick to our strengths we perfectly compliment one another.

This is a real power couple that has the power to create massive impact in the world.

If you know me then you know that I believe in empowering all areas of life, and relationships are the area that have the largest effect on all the other areas.

By mastering the art of relationships you set yourself up to succeed in all other areas of life!

Become More, Live More, Give More.


PS: I love writing and sharing content to help inspire others to live the best life possible, so if you have any questions please ask as it will guide my next pieces of content!


If you want to read more or attend deeper trainings then here are some great resources...

The 'Hieros Gamos' Solution: This is a private and exclusive program for successful independent women that want to find a man to support their purpose driven life.

Love in Motion Retreat: I run this relationship retreat for couples and singles once a year to dive deeper into clearing the blocks that are stopping them from attracting or attaining the level of love and intimacy that they desire.

FREE - The Ultimate Relationship e-Guide: Download this free PDF if you want to learn more about masculine and feminine energy and the 3 key Must's and Must Not's for maintaining the balance of complimentary opposites.

Relationship Mastery Program: Go through over 200 hours of content learning The 4 Pillars of Love, The 4 Pillars of Passion, The 6 Principles for Communication, and the Conflict Resolution Model so that you can build a relationship with true eternal love and the deepest levels of intimacy.

Hermetics Mastery Program: Learn the 7 Hermetic Principles (Polarity, Cause & Effect etc...) and how I apply them to my life for creating wealth and maintaining a loving and passionate relationship.

Due to website upgrades please email me at for more information on this program.

If you have any questions at all please email me at .


bottom of page